You know those days when snacking is front of mind and the kitchen just seems to have a strange attraction? That’s the reason why you’re heavier than me, because I don’t have that weakness. Regardless, I find it important to relate to regular folks who may struggle with their weight and need some guidance. I’m here to help and I have a recipe that is my go to for a quick and easy snack on the go. As a purveyor of Rhinestone style and class, I strive for excellence, but I don’t have time for distractions like Instant Pots, Air Fryers, or children. Consequently, I try to distill my technique to classically simple methods.
First, we can all agree that eating fat or sugar is stupid and should be better left to those who would benefit most from an eating disorder. That narrows the options to something that would satisfy, but not leave you feeling like a domestic farm animal. Next, we’ll eliminate any carbohydrates because obviously those will give you cancer. Finally, I like to eliminate any sources of gluten because I feel like there is established science that demonstrates a link between gluten and autism and I have been a long time opponent of autism. I think we can all agree that autism is a scourge on our community that has gone unchecked for far too long.
After eliminating what I can’t (or shouldn’t) eat, I arrive at the obvious selection of a cigarette. Having a cigarette is not only calorie free, but also a welcome distraction from the hunger pangs that may be bothering me since next week’s meal is a little further off.
To prepare my cigarette, I like to retrieve a freshly sealed pack and unwrap the plastic on that pack. This first step may be unnecessary as you may already have an open pack in which case, you may proceed to the next step. Next up, I will slide out a cigarette and tap it lightly on the end to pack the tobacco a bit before using a lighter (you may substitute a match in the event that you don’t have a lighter) to ignite the cigarette while puffing slightly on it.
If you’ve followed the instructions properly, then you’ll have a delightful smoking experience similar to the one pictured here: