It may come as no surprise to you that stretching is part of a successful Rhinestone Realtor’s© daily regimen. As a true believer in fitness, appropriate diet (lose weight through less eating!), and consciousness (you’ve probably never heard of it), I strive daily to ensure that all of my ligaments, cartilage, and other unpronounceable bits are supple and youthful. Let’s be honest, no one wants to buy a product from an ugly person, much less a purchase as important, and costly, as a house. My daily stretching routine is always a precursor to an extended session on the elliptical machine with an appropriately large mirror on the side so I can ensure adequate notice from other gym residents. I set my phone to record video and then ensure that I am properly framed while going through a variety of half-assed yoga poses, exaggerated hip spreading, and various other moves while maintaining an absolute disregard for everyone around me. That last part is vital to ensure that folks understand that I’m serious.
I know that exercise is not for everyone and that sometimes it is a struggle. I have on many occasions battled with a powerful thought while driving into the lot to go work out. The engine is just idling while I sit quietly at the crosswalk contemplating the idea of slamming the accelerator to the floor and hitting as many gym bros as possible before launching off the curb on the other side and just driving off into the sunset. Believe me, once you’ve imagined it in your head, it feels like you have to try it just once.
But I digress. Everyone should remember that before any random acts of violence, you should always get in a good stretch. You’d hate to pull a hammie while dropping the hammer.